My love for "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel" isn't something I
keep close to the chest. Even to this day I still claim Joss as one of
my key inspirations in writing. I can also admit when he does wrong,
but I also know when he gets screwed over by Fox *Cough*Firefly*Cough*
or the WB *Cough*Angel*Cough*. (Even though with Angel, half a season
later the current CEO who replaced the one who canceled the show
admitted it was a bad move. It was one of their highest rated shows,
especially among male demographics which the network desperately
needed.)
Anyway, Buffy, Angel, Spike, and even Giles I could see getting away
with staking vampires with just their hands. However, Willow, Xander,
and Cordelia not so much. See the body is a resilient thing and its
pretty tough, and unless something happens when a vampire becomes a
vampire that makes them like jello, it would be pretty hard to get a
wooden stake into a person.
I'd like to note that "From Dusk Till Dawn" specifically said that
vampires had a softer body and mentioned how hard it would be for a
stake to get into a normal body. So at least they explained why tiny
Juliette Lewis was able to pull a Buffy before Buffy even aired (well
there's the movie, but the less said about the better).
Then, there's "Blade:Trinity" that had Jessica Biel, who admittedly is
pretty buff, go toe to toe with vampires without any supernatural
abilities. When in the previous two Blade movies it pretty much
explicitly showed that unarmed even a trained human was pretty much
toast. However, Miss Abigail Whistler was pulling out kung-fu that
would have made Buffy blush even though there was no way for her to do
that.
So you're like, "Okay Elf, what are you on?"
Well, after like over a decade later I can poke fun at this trope.
TV and movies liked to show underweight teenagers (or fake
teenagers) with no muscle mass to speak of thrusting shards of wood into
vampires’ hearts. Sometimes it was explained away about some little,
young thing having supernatural strength, but when it came to her
mundane friends that were backing her up? No explanation what so ever.
Forest could easily buy the large and Hollywood fit vampire boyfriend
bare handedly staking his former undead brethren, but the sidekicks? Not
so much. Forest knew very well that flesh and muscle was resilient,
and then there was the whole rib cage that acted as protective casing
for most of the major organs. Then there was the whole thing that wood
wasn’t something that could cut through flesh for the most part. No, to
get a wooden stake into a vampire required a lot of upper body strength
It felt entirely too good to write that honestly.
If you want to see more glib sarcasm, go read "The Law Unto Herself Chronicles: The Stolen".
(Hey I had to get that out there.)
Also, in other words, self-promotion is a fucking bitch.
A Few Crows Short of a Murder
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
The Trials and Tribulations of Self-Promotion
Man, self-promoting is a bitch.
Trying to get new readers is like walking the fine line of not being entertaining but wanting to get your stuff across. It's like pulling hen's teeth. Especially if what you have isn't in physical form but is free online.
I really should hit up more conventions.
Trying to get new readers is like walking the fine line of not being entertaining but wanting to get your stuff across. It's like pulling hen's teeth. Especially if what you have isn't in physical form but is free online.
I really should hit up more conventions.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Needing A Name . . .
So, I'm getting ready to finish my online serial The Law Unto Herself Chronicles: The Stolen and originally I was going to just segue into the next Forest story. It's called "Scream Queen" and takes place during the 1980's. You know, that wonderful decade of Reganomics, movies that were unapologeticly violent and awesome like The Terminator, Aliens, Robocop, and so on and so forth, and hair metal. It just happens to be the decade I was born in and the one I will probably always feel nostalgic about because dude, seriously The Terminator, Aliens, Robocop, and a whole slew of other movies I could spend a blog entry talking about.
Well, the closer I'm coming to finishing my serial, which if things go right I'll have published in novel form after JukePop releases it, I need a follow up. Thing of it is, even though "Scream Queen" is something near and dear to my heart and something I've wanted to write for a while, I have another idea. Or rather, an old idea that LUHC spawned from.
See, long time ago I had an idea for an Urban Fantasy series that involved four supernatural types human and other who were part of a police force to take care of supernatural crimes. The whole basis was that the supernatural had been discovered and was common place now. Sort of like the Anita Blake books or the amazing Anno Dracula series but it was a fairly recent thing.
Well, my husband pointed out to me that if the supernatural was discovered an X-Men like situation would be the best case scenario. The more I thought about it, the more I realized my proofreader/editor/hubby was right. Then I realized how much more fun it would be to have this sort of maverick and dysfunctional group keep the world they live in secret from humanity. They would essentially be working outside of the law to keep it secret even though one of them is a police detective.
Of course they would have sanction to do this. There are shadowy government agencies for a reason. Plus the Cloak and Dagger stuff is really fun to write.
I'm collecting my ideas together, and the cast of characters is a lot broader than LUHC, even though it takes place in the same universe. In fact, those readers of LUHC will see several familiar faces in this series and Forest herself will make guest appearances from time to time. Of course, it has a totally different feel. Say LUHC is Buffy if I'm using my Whedonverse examples because biggest inspiration and all of that, then this will be more like Angel. Less tongue in cheek and more dire situations. Not to mention a somewhat darker tone.
Now here comes the kicker.
What shall I call my motley crew?
The original concept was SPF short for Supernatural Protection Force. Which, the more that I think of it, its kind of goofy. Sounds like sunscreen. Now of course, I could make jokes about vampires needing sunscreen and all of that but it would get lame really quick.
I was thinking something like The Shadow Guard or Umbra Praesidio which is Latin for Shadow Guard. Plus its a play off one of the group's last names.
So, what do you think, true believers?
Well, the closer I'm coming to finishing my serial, which if things go right I'll have published in novel form after JukePop releases it, I need a follow up. Thing of it is, even though "Scream Queen" is something near and dear to my heart and something I've wanted to write for a while, I have another idea. Or rather, an old idea that LUHC spawned from.
See, long time ago I had an idea for an Urban Fantasy series that involved four supernatural types human and other who were part of a police force to take care of supernatural crimes. The whole basis was that the supernatural had been discovered and was common place now. Sort of like the Anita Blake books or the amazing Anno Dracula series but it was a fairly recent thing.
Well, my husband pointed out to me that if the supernatural was discovered an X-Men like situation would be the best case scenario. The more I thought about it, the more I realized my proofreader/editor/hubby was right. Then I realized how much more fun it would be to have this sort of maverick and dysfunctional group keep the world they live in secret from humanity. They would essentially be working outside of the law to keep it secret even though one of them is a police detective.
Of course they would have sanction to do this. There are shadowy government agencies for a reason. Plus the Cloak and Dagger stuff is really fun to write.
I'm collecting my ideas together, and the cast of characters is a lot broader than LUHC, even though it takes place in the same universe. In fact, those readers of LUHC will see several familiar faces in this series and Forest herself will make guest appearances from time to time. Of course, it has a totally different feel. Say LUHC is Buffy if I'm using my Whedonverse examples because biggest inspiration and all of that, then this will be more like Angel. Less tongue in cheek and more dire situations. Not to mention a somewhat darker tone.
Now here comes the kicker.
What shall I call my motley crew?
The original concept was SPF short for Supernatural Protection Force. Which, the more that I think of it, its kind of goofy. Sounds like sunscreen. Now of course, I could make jokes about vampires needing sunscreen and all of that but it would get lame really quick.
I was thinking something like The Shadow Guard or Umbra Praesidio which is Latin for Shadow Guard. Plus its a play off one of the group's last names.
So, what do you think, true believers?
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Writing Erotica: A How To Guide (NSFW obviously)
Know Your
Anatomy!
If
you don’t know how boy parts and girl parts work, then just stop right
now. I mean, really, just stop. Then
read this because not only I’ve done a lot of research, has a father who is a
nurse, but I’ve also had sex! So, here’s
your Anatomy 101.
The
Penis
The
male reproductive organ, the mighty penis.
You know what, on second thought the penis really isn’t all that
mighty. You try shoving a baby through
that thing and see what happens. It
would end up looking like one of those creepy air things you see at Oil Changing
stations that are suppose to look like people but look like eldridge abominations. Plus one good shot to the penis and his two
dirty pillows and a guy’s out for the count for a while. Cunt punt a girl? Chances are she’s going to be back in your
face double quick.
Anyway,
back to the penis.
Average
length for a penis is about 6 inches for an American male, about 5.1-5.5 for an
Asian. Most dudes don’t have foot long
monsters that are as thick as a coke can.
Besides the vagina only goes so far, but that’s going to be in the next
section. I mean, don’t describe the
penis as average, but don’t get specific about how large a character’s Johnson
is, because chances are what you describe is going to be a two liter bottle.
Which is utterly terrifying. Now if you’re going for
horror, then that’s okay. And no butt
nor vagina wants that going into them.
(Well, I’m sure you can google porn of it, but . . . that’s your
decision, you weirdo.)
When describing a dick, use your
judgment. Read what you wrote and think,
“Do I want this anywhere near me?” If not, then go back to the drawing board. Also have someone read the descriptions as
well. If they wince, then it’s no good.
Anyway,
writing about getting a guy off is a lot easier than writing getting a girl
off. Stimulation of the penis is pretty
subjective. Stroke the shaft, suck the
head (even though to switch it off some guys don’t like having the head of
their dick messed with that much), etc.
However there’s a pretty good size vein along the penis that apparently
drives guys wild if it’s fondled, licked, and so on and so forth. (And it
pulsates too, so there’s some good description to give your porn that extra bit
of realism.)
Another
thing? I don’t care what doujinshi
you’ve been reading, but guys don’t come buckets and buckets of semen. Sorry to burst your bubble, but most men
ejaculate 0.1 to 10 milliliters of semen when they orgasm. There are five milliliters in a teaspoon, and
fifteen in a tablespoon. So most guys
don’t jack off cups and cups of splooge when they go off.
If
you’re writing a male character that is born before the 1880’s and not Jewish,
they’re going to have a foreskin on their penis. Hell, today it’s pretty much the US that
still regularly circumcises male babies.
Over in Europe it’s not that popular.
There are a couple of reasons why.
Main
theory that’s been shot around is that the foreskin is extremely sensitive. The
research isn’t conclusive, there’s arguments about it, but it’s said to have
erogenous nerve endings. It also acts
to protect the head of the penis, therefore making it more sensitive. The foreskin, most of the time unless the guy
has phimosis (which means the foreskin cannot contract completely), will
retract when the penis becomes erect.
It
also produces its own lubricants to an extent to help make intercourse
easier. Because of how the foreskin
functions and where it’s located, there’s less chance of a vagina losing its
lubrication during sex. The foreskin
also provides a “gliding” motion that can make intercourse more enjoyable and
less abrasive than a circumcised penis.
Also, but take this with a grain of salt, that the foreskin helps
stimulate the G-spot in women. However,
see what’s said about the G-spot about being a moot point in the vagina
section.
I
don’t know how those statements are true.
I’ve never had sex with a guy with a foreskin. I’d advise asking someone who has and who has
one.
Also,
circumcised penises can have tiny scars under the head from when they were
removed. There’s an extra bit of detail
for you. That I find kind of sexy
because I have a little bit of a scar fetish.
However
neat and random fact, semen does contain mood enhancing chemicals in it. It can also make a vagina more sensitive and
receptive to stimulation. It can also
make a woman pregnant.
Also,
stimulating the testacies can be a mixed bag.
Some guys like it, some guys are like, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO
MY BOYS?” It’s something you just have
to play by ear and decide what the male character likes.
The
Vagina
From
my experience, the hardest thing people have a lot in writing erotic is writing
how a vagina works. It’s like the vagina
is some horrible and terrifying thing.
Like I remember seeing “Aliens” on the big screen at a special showing
at a local indy theater. During the
scene where Bishop is dissecting the Face Hugger, my then boyfriend-now husband
leans over and whispers, “That’s what I see every time I go down on you!”
He
got smacked.
I
promise that the vagina is not that scary, in fact, I happen to love my
vagina. After this section, I hope you,
the reader, love vaginas more too. Or at
least have a better understanding how they work and learn that the clitoris
isn’t some dinosaur and is exceptionally important.
Technically,
the vagina is the inner cavity – the place where penises, toys and other things
go into and babies come out –, but most people use it to describe the whole
shebang. First there’s the clitoris
covered by the clitoral hood, the vaginal lips, urethra, and then the vaginal
cavity. Unlike men, who have one hole
for both peeing and semen, women have the urethra for peeing and the vagina for
. . . other things.
The
vagina itself doesn’t have that many nerve endings. They are along the very entrance, but inside
not so much. Simply because it’s made to
squeeze a kid out of it. Would making a
channel made to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size
of a lemon hyper sensitive a good idea?
No, because women wouldn’t be able to handle giving birth like they can.
Also,
a penis doesn’t enter the womb during sex.
The cervix stops it. If the penis
goes through the cervix, then something is dreadfully wrong. Also, the cervix can crush the head of a
penis off if it manages to “enter” it.
Seriously, it can happen. Look it
up. The cervix also doesn’t allow semen
to just blast into the uterus when a man blows his load.
So,
unless you want to write about a guy getting the head of his dick bit off by
the girl’s cervix, which if you’re writing erotic horror that might be your
thing, please don’t have the guy “press inside her womb” or some such nonsense.
So,
despite popular belief, J-jaming anything in alone isn’t going to bring an
orgasm in most cases. Other places have
to be stimulated. So yuri writers that
just has fingers inside the vagina to get the other girl off? Wrong, wrong, and wrong again!
Now
keep reading about the most plausible ways to have a girl achieve orgasm.
True,
the G-spot is inside the vagina.
Traditionally it is positioned of the anterior wall about 5 centimeters
from the entrance. Usually under the
urethra and the bladder . It’s said that
it can produce powerful orgasms and even cause female ejaculation when
stimulated, and is also known as the female
prostate. It’s also hypothesized to
be an extension of the clitoris as well.
It’s said that it feels sort of like a sponge, or that rough tissue you
can touch with your tongue with the side of your mouth. It feels different than the rest of the
vagina.
However
this is inconclusive. In fact most women
can’t have an orgasm from having their “G-Spot” stimulated. Sadly, a lot of women can feel rather
horrible and think they’re abnormal because they can’t have a “G-Spot Orgasm”
when, in all truth, they are the majority, not the minority.
I’m
not saying you can’t have your female character come buckets like this, but at
least you know where it’s at now for future reference.
Now,
this brings me to the clitoris, the glorious, and wonderful clitoris.
When
you think about where the clitoris is placed, it’s rather odd. It’s above the vagina and urethra and doesn’t
really get any real contact during sex.
A fleshy hood, indeed called the Clitoral Hood, covers the clitoris
until a girl is aroused. The hood moves
back and the clitoris becomes erect and hard, just like the penis does. Ironically, the closer a girl gets to orgasm,
the more the clitoris starts to retreat back into the hood. (Which doesn’t make any sense. Biology is weird, let me tell you.)
Freud
was an idiot when he said only young girls should experience clitoral orgasms
and not vaginal ones. Obviously the guy
had no idea how anatomy works and was obsessed with dicks anyway. The truth is that the key to most female
orgasms is stimulation to the clitoris via fingers, tongues, lips, or toys.
Most studies show that Oral Sex is the best way for a woman to have an
orgasm. Listen to Dr. Drew. The man knows what he’s talking about. (Besides
it’s not fair for a guy to expect head from a girl and not return the favor.)
Don’t get me wrong, a woman can orgasm from intercourse, but it does help if
the clitoris is greatly stimulated beforehand.
Also,
any girl having sex with another girl is going to know to attack the
clitoris. Simply because they know
that’s good for them. Things might be
stuck inside the vagina, but I will guarantee you that most of the attention is
going to be on –or around – the clitoris.
Let me note though, some girls do find direct clitoral stimulation
uncomfortable or irritating, but are fine with the areas in very close
proximity. (The clitoral hood has its
own share of nerves as well.)
Basically,
the clitoris is the female equivalent to the penis. Would you forgo the penis in a sex
scene? No. So don’t forget the clitoris. It’s just as important, damn it.
Now
that you know how to get a girl off for writing purposes, here’s what happens
when she does.
When
she’s aroused her breasts will get bigger (up to 25% in some cases), nipples
will harden, her skin will become flushed, and her vagina will wet itself in
preparation for penetration. The vaginal
lips will swell, and like I said above, the clitoris will harden and peek out
of its hood. The closer to orgasm the
girl gets, the more the clitoris retreats back into its hood. Now when a girl comes, it’s like everything
fires at once.
There
are rhythmic contractions in the vagina and uterus as her body convulses. If someone or something is inside of her,
it’ll fell like she’s clamping and squeezing onto them. In some cases the contractions are so strong
that, without enough pressure, she may force whatever is in her out.
Now, there’s the fact that sex for a
virgin girl is different than for a guy for an obvious reason. It hurts the girl, even if they wore or tore
through their hymen ages ago. This is
due to the fact that muscles that have never been stretched before are having
something foreign thrust into them.
There isn’t always blood, but for porn’s sake there is because that’s
what’s expected.
However there are different types of
hymens and they can be various thicknesses.
Also, despite what one has seen in doujinshi, the hymen covers/partially
covers the entrance into the vagina.
There’s no going in a little bit and magical barrier appears. An
athletic girl might not have that much trouble because that activity wears away
a hymen. Same with someone who regularly
rides horses or a motorcycle. Then there
are girls who have hymens like fricken AT fields that are so thick that they
may need surgery to get it taken care of.
So it varies, but there is always discomfort with First Time Sex.
To make sure it’s easier for your
heroine, and to make it sexier, have the partner take time to get the girl
ready. Fingering can wear down a hymen
to make it easier to break. In fact,
fingers can break a hymen as easily as a penis can, if you want to add that
into your sex scene for a bit of realism.
Which will add a bit of authenticity.
Also, oral sex, oral sex, oral sex.
So hopefully I’ve made the vagina
not so scary for you.
Part Three:
Surprise! Buttsex! (And Lubricants)
For yaoi writers, this is pretty
much the penetrative sex for two guys.
However buttsex appears in a lot of het fics as well. So, the anus now lies defenseless before us
and is a tricky path.
So, anatomy time first: The anus is
full of all sorts of delicious receptors and nerve endings. Basically, the butthole is really
sensitive. For the men it is pretty much
a guaranteed way to reach the prostate, and for a girl it’s an indirect way to
stroke the G Spot , and more importantly, the internal parts of the clitoris.
The sphincter muscle, that muscle that helps push poop out, is chock full of
nerve endings that can feel pleasure as well as pain.
Just the butthole is rather
fragile. The sphincter is made to push stuff
out, not pull stuff in. The tissues
inside the anus tear very easily. And,
this is the kicker, even though there are mucus membranes in the butt, they in
no way produce enough lubricant to promote anal sex. (If they do, then something is very wrong.)
Then there’s the issue of
cleanliness. I mean, it is the ass
hole. Poop comes out of there, and while
one’s fetish maybe Scat, there’s a bunch of issues in there as well. (Like it’s okay to go from vaginal to anal,
or oral to anal, but you don’t want to do the reverse for obvious
reasons.) So there’s also cleaning
issues to go on from there. (In writing
you just might want to gloss over it like “Character X had cleaned themselves
before the main event, because they knew that the surprise buttsex wasn’t going
to be a surprise.”)
I mean, you don’t want to talk about
Character X taking the Dump of All Dumps before getting down to the nasty. Enemas can be a kink, but they can also be
dangerous if one doesn’t know what they’re doing. If you’re going to write about giving an
enema before jamming it in the butthole, do your research. Seriously, google it.
Also, because the butthole is so
fragile one has to work up to having anal sex.
Applying lube. Fingering. Scissoring.
Stuff to get the butthole relaxed before something is jammed into
it. Foreplay, like writing a defloration
scene, is a huge part in anal sex because there is so much work to be put into
it. Also the key is to go slowly, give the anus time to react to the alien
invader.
Since we talked about the act of
anal sex itself, now here’s the key part of it, which will also be good for
vaginal sex too: Lubricants.
Things That Work
as Lubricants
Water Based Lubricants- Such as
Astroglide or KY Jelly. Google can give
you multiple results. They may need to be reapplied due to the fact they can
dry out and/or absorbed into the skin. However they are also safe with condoms.
Silicone Based Lubricants- May or may not
be safe with condoms. They feel
different than water based lubricants, but they are not absorbed into the skin
or dried out than water based lubes.
However not recommended with use of sex toys because they can break down
the sex toys, and no one wants their dildo all wilted.
Oil Based Lubricants- Vaseline/Petroleum
Jelly. Not safe to use with condoms
because they can cause the condom to deteriorate.
Olive Oil- This is a
historical lubricant, found in brothels in Greece and even Egypt. So if you’re writing ancient buttsex this is
the most common one to go to.
Tororojiru-
The
jelly like substance created when grating a Chinese Yam. Historical research suggests that this was
used heavily during the Edo period. In
fact, it was considered improper for a woman to eat noodles prepared with this
substance due to the connotations of it.
Butter/Cooking Oils- If you can eat
it, chances are it’s safe enough to put up the butt. However, again, bad for condoms.
What Doesn’t
Work as a Lube
Semen- Unless you have
a whole team of guys able to produce, one on one, there’s just not enough semen
to use as a good lubricant. Plus it
dries out rather quickly as well.
Motor Oil- I don’t care
what Minotaur’s webpage says, Motor Oil does not make a good lube. It can irritate, cause infection and
inflammation as well. Just because you’d
pour it into your Hemi engine, doesn’t mean you should use it to lube up a
pooper.
Saliva- Dries out too quickly.
Lotion- It gets absorbed
into the skin too quickly.
Beer- No. No. No. An asshole would absorb the alcohol in the
beer at an extraordinary rate. To the
point where just a beer could be toxic.
Blood- Not even in
vampire sex. If there’s enough blood to
coat the way, then one of the partners is so injured they can’t enjoy it. Plus blood clots fairly quickly, which
becomes glue like and sticky.
Mayonnaise and Mustard- Even though I
said if you can eat it, it’s safe enough to put up the butt, it’s not exactly
true. Mayonnaise can go rancid with
prolonged exposure to body heat. Then
mustard can be an irritant as well.
So, there’s my short take on Buttsex. Remember kids, One in the Bum won’t make her
a Mum.
You Have the
Basics, Now Get to the Porn!
Characterization is key. The point of writing porn of your favorite
characters is that you want to watch your favorites fuck. Remember what makes them tick and apply that
to writing the sex scene.
For example, even though the sex scene in the "Unlimited Blade Works" route in the "Fate/Stay Night" visual novel was very painful, at least Rin was still very much in character. She was trying to control the situation and
it just ended badly for her. And Shirou
got his jackhammer on, but the less said about that the better.
Like if I was to write a Lancer and
Ayako sex scene, there would be a lot of him teasing and complementing her
while she would be getting flustered.
Also sex is a sensory
experience. Write about the stuff the
characters are feeling (excitement, nervousness, fear, heart beating a million
miles an hour, desire, need, possession etc).
Show how the cat wants to get into the bedroom because it was locked
out. Describe what the characters look
like while aroused. Describe what they
sound like. What they feel like. Smell
like. Taste like. (Example, say Character A just drank a cup of
earl gray tea. They’ll taste like earl
gray tea.)
Don’t be afraid to get into the
foreplay either. Actually, it can be the
sexiest part in sex. Don’t be afraid to
show blow jobs, going down on the heroine, fingering, etc.
Now there’s your word choices.
Depends on the sex scene. What does the writer want to convey? Making love?
Or hard kinky sex.
Sometimes describing what is
happening, what is going on, etc is better than just saying, “He jammed his
cock into her dripping pussy.”
Euphemisms are an iffy thing. If it makes you laugh, don’t use it. Never,
ever use Tool. Ever. Read your sex scene
over. If it turns you on, then chances
are you did well. If it brings a
chuckle, rewrite it. Also penis and vagina can get clinical. Describe stuff like warm, wet folds and thick
head. Get a little abstract about what
one’s writing about.
Also using the word “member” makes you
sound like someone who’s wanting to be in a club. And using “entering” sounds like someone
walked through a door. And you really
can’t walk into someone’s vagina or butthole, unless you’re writing a porn fic
about Antman and Wasp then . . . Well good for you.
Euphemisms for Penis:
Dick
Cock
One Eyed Trouser Snake
The Magical Fireman
John Thomas
Tool
Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger
Bald Headed Jesus
Wang
Admiral Winky
Heat Seeker
Man Canon
Johnson
Member
Meat Pole
Love Stick
Zipper Ripper
Dipstick
Dong
Throbbing Dart of Love
Euphemisms for Vaginas
Cunt (derogatory term, and just sounds nasty)
Pussy
Quim (Yes, Loki in The Avengers basically called the Black Widow a Whinny Cunt)
Bearded Clam
Hair Pie
Birth Canon
Beef Curtain
Moose Knuckle
Taco
The Wound that Never Heals
Bucket of Wet Sponges
Twat
Vadge
Knob Gobbler
Hoo-Ha
Boojum
Velvet Glove
Ya-Ya
Fancy Bit
More Than Just
J-Jaming It In!
There’s more to sex than just
sliding Tab A into Slot B. Talk about
foreplay and other options than just penetrative sex. Oral sex, manual stimulation etc. Also mention that a lot of couples in the
beginning don’t just jump into pure sex.
They experiment, and if one is writing a long story, it would be nice
–and a good change of pace and trope breaking – to explore this in a story.
When just doing a PWP don’t forget
the warm up. Girls don’t get horny by
sucking someone off. I don’t care what you’ve seen as porn. They need to be warmed up- kissed, caressed,
nibbled, sucked on, licked, all sorts of fun stuff.
And speaking as a woman, no, sucking
someone off isn’t enough to get me ready.
It might arouse me, but it’s not going to be enough to get me
ready. Two guys fucking, yes. Then again, men are different. It doesn’t take them much to get ready.
Know Your Kink
So now you’ve got the basis down and
suddenly, in your twenty chapter epic yuri fics, you have Heroine A tie Heroine B and spank her. You’ve written some
light bondage, humiliation, and spanking.
Good for you.
Now, if you’re going to write a
kink, for the love of god, research it.
Look at the 50 Shades of Shit
novels, it’s pretty obvious that the woman didn’t research BDSM. BDSM has a whole subculture that if someone
is a part of it and read it, they would be pissed off. Not to mention, it adds to realism and
doesn’t sound like you’re pulling stuff out of your ass.
Oh, and it keeps your story from
getting creepy.
Like, if I wanted to write some
yaoi hate sex fic with Hero A getting creative with and inserting something into Hero B's urethra.
I’m going to research the hell out of male sounding to get it right.
Also, if writing a specific kink,
don’t be afraid to use some of its technical terms from time to time. Or showing what a Safe Word is and so on and
so forth.
Now for the fun of it, here are a
list of kinks for one look up.
Kinks
Spanking
Bondage
Domination and Submission
Masochistic
BDSM- Bondage,
Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism
Age Play
Role Playing
Foot Worship
Scat Play
Caging
Caning/Whipping
Chastity Belts
Orgasm Denial
Rape Fantasies
Food Play
Diapers
Horse Play
Sensory Depravation (Blind folds etc)
Incest
Voyeurism
Public Nudity
So, there you have it, my messy guide to writing porn. Knock yourself out.
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